MANSFIELD: Comfort Zone

By Mansfield Frazier

Recently a very good friend — who just happens to be one of the brightest and most committed young persons in Greater Cleveland — invited me to participate in one of the salons he helps to organize; I was deeply honored that he felt I have something worthwhile to contribute to the discussion. However, in spite of the fact I wanted to participate, I turned him down.

While I certainly feel the solutions to the stratifications that exist in our society — between black and white, straight and gay, progressives and conservatives … or any others — in large part lies in communication (we simply have to talk to and get to know each other in order to discover our differences are not as huge as we might imagine), I also strongly feel those conversations have to take place in a “neutral” setting that is comfortable for everyone.

To wit: Last year I was invited to attend a “green movement” function at a popular near-Westside setting, and if you know anything about this nascent movement you also know virtually all of the people involved live far above the color line … all they see is “green” and how we can, as a community, come together to push forth an agenda to improve the lives of all Greater Clevelanders.

Nonetheless, some of the staff at the facility (which will forever remain unnamed) was not of the same mindset as the folks hosting the event. This is a place where very few (if any) persons of color frequent on a regular basis, and a couple of the employees went out of their way to make sure the few minorities in attendance knew, in no uncertain terms, we were not welcome. Now, granted, the owners of the establishment might be of a more liberal mind, but they were not the ones tending bar that night.

When I ordered a beer the young woman behind the bar looked right at me and didn’t move a muscle … she looked right through me. Of course I’ve occasionally been down this road before … but not recently since I don’t get around all that much anymore. I again ordered, and she again let me know that while she heard me, she simply was not going to wait on a black man. A male behind the bar (obviously realizing what was going on) came over and took my order, with a somewhat apologetic look on his face. But I seriously doubt if anything of a corrective nature was ever said to the woman.

To assure myself I was not being overly sensitive (something I’ve pretty much grown out of), I waited and watched to see how any of the few other minorities in attendance would be treated by the woman, and indeed, the treatment was exactly the same. We smiled knowingly at each other but said nothing.

Of course I’ve never gone back to the establishment, since at this point in my life I have zero interest in being anywhere I’m not wanted; staying in my comfort zone is very important to me. I have no desire to be some kind of latter-day civil rights pioneer or trailblazer. Fuck that.

One of the comforts that life affords me at this point in my journey is that I don’t have to deal with such nonsense anymore … even though I certainly am equipped, due to my life experiences, to do so. Self-confidence is one of my long suits (some would say I’m mentally arrogant, but I take exception to that characterization … at least to some extent) but as George Forbes once cautioned me, “don’t piss on every fireplug.” At this stage of the game I tend to overlook ignorant people and not make an issue of their obnoxious behaviors — life’s too short.

But, with that said, I do tend to be a bit more cautious about where I choose to go.

The fine (white) gentleman that invited me to the salon lives so far above the color line I seriously doubt he can even imagine that such people as the young woman behind that bar still exists … but then, he’s never experienced the overt, racist slights I (and other persons of color) have had to endure in our lives. I certainly wasn’t humiliated by the woman’s behavior, but just as certainly got the message that I (or other minorities) are not welcome … which is fine by me.

Granted, the venue my friend recently invited me to on the relatively far Westside of Lakewood where he is hosting his salon might very well be a totally integrated environment where everyone is welcomed with open arms … but somehow I doubt it. Nonetheless, he certainly would not have invited me if he didn’t think I would be perfectly comfortable.

But the simple fact is, he cannot be expected to control the behavior of the staff or other patrons, and if one of them is aggressive (or cleverly subtle) in expressing their racism, my entire evening is tainted, or perhaps shot to hell. Who needs that shit?

So, if the goal is to bring those folks of diverse backgrounds (that I referenced in the second paragraph) together — and this certainly is a noble and necessary goal if we are to tear down the walls that separate us — care has to be taken to select a venue that is comfortable and welcoming to all. The great thing is, racists are a dying breed, and a number of excellent venues now exist in Greater Cleveland where everyone is made to feel comfortable — they simply have to be utilized more as we move forward.

From Cool Cleveland correspondent Mansfield B. Frazier mansfieldfATgmail.com. Frazier’s From Behind The Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate is available again in hardback. Snag your copy and have it signed by the author by visiting http://www.NeighborhoodSolutionsInc.com.

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